i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
