chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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