I bet he comes in French.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
