Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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