i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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