i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
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