okay pat passed out under dana's car
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
so let's talk penis.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
