I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
