two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I checked into jail on foursquare
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
