How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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