standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
