Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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