I must be too annoying 4 u.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
