I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Randomize
