When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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