I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
