She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
