yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
