maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
