just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We left the knife in your bed.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
