apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Four minutes until I can fart!
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
