Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
