I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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