we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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