Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize