I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize