Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize