So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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