broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
where are you?
Hypothermia
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
