come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
