i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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