it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
