he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
