Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
