No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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