I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
