he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
