just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
