I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize