That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
