You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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