So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
