So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
