So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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