***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
