you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
