I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize