Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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