i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
