I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
