I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
