I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
