video games are the ultimate cock blocker
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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