Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
