Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
