**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
