just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
