the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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