are you still at the devil's house?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
