he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
