It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Life is so much better after having sex.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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