Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
FUCK WHALES
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
