we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
