The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
