I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
