That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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