I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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