He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
