you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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