Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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