I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
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