So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
